


Everything That They Didn't See

by effexorbitch



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Hyde being vulnerable but also a dumbass, Jackie gets her freak on, Recreational Drug Use, also stoop talks between Jackie and Donna cause I actually love their friendship, lots of deep talks in the el camino, stoned Jackie is adorable, their parents are a lot shittier in the fic than in the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/effexorbitch/pseuds/effexorbitch
Summary: What could a vain, shallow, princess type and a burnout conspiracy nut ever have between them? Most people couldn’t see how Jackie and Hyde even tolerated one another, much less dated – here’s what they didn’t see. Each chapter is a behind the scenes, canon-adjacent look into the relationship between the two Zen Masters, starting in Season 5.





	1. S5 E1 Going to California

Hyde noticed that Jackie was still hanging around the basement, despite the hard to ignore absence of Kelso and Donna, who were ostensibly her main draws to the Forman’s place. After the humiliation of her brief forced engagement, there were some key changes in Jackie’s behaviour that allowed Hyde to tolerate her presence without her usual personality buffers. She seemed like a more pared down version of her usual bitchy self – Hyde supposed that dumping Kelso had reduced her stress levels significantly. Besides, after Kelso left and without the dress requirements of school, Hyde had also noticed that she had stopped wearing bras.

Appreciation of exposed nipples aside, he couldn’t help but wonder why she was here so frequently, even more than Fez. She had other bitchy cheerleader friends that she could have been hanging with – Hyde assumed she would much rather be talking with them about which footballers their horoscopes recommended that they should blow that weekend (or whatever bitchy cheerleaders talked about), than watching M*A*S*H reruns in his basement. Hyde had assumed wrong.

He finally asked her about it one day.

Jackie waltzed into his room, “God, it’s cold in here.” Hyde shrugged, pretending to read but taking a secret glance up at her in her tight rainbow striped top. Jackie slid onto his bed next to him. Her knee was touching his, which he didn’t care at all about and hardly noticed, he assured himself, although the fact he had to assure himself was unnerving in itself.

“So,” she paused before singsonging, “What are you reading?”

Hyde dogeared his page and turned to her, “Discipline and Punish.”

Her eyes went wide, “Steven, is that, like, a sex book?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, you little pervert,” he laughed, “no, it’s a book by this guy called Foucault. God, what freaky shit were you and Kelso doing?”

“What?” she pulled away from him, “no, I found one of your Hustlers on the table yesterday.”

He laughed again, a little embarrassed that she had found it, “What, you actually read it?”

“I was curious...” she looked him in the eye before concluding, “men are disgusting.”

“If you just found that out now after being with Kelso for six years, I severely overestimated your intelligence.” Was that a slight tinge of jealousy in his voice? God. Spending all this time with her had gone to his head, numbed his senses to her usual shrill annoying nature. Plus, she smelled so good all the time.

“God!” she jumped up from the bed to pace around the room, “I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time on someone like him!”

“Yeah, now you have much more time to plan out your diets.”

She stopped pacing abruptly, “What?”

“You know, catch up with your cheerleader friends, gossip about ugly girls, stop spending so much time in my basement...”

She frowned, “You don’t like having me around?” The words hit him unexpectedly, like a punch in the gut. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, especially after she had just gone through so much with Kelso.

He scrambled for the right words, “I mean, we don’t really have much to do together.”

Her eyes lit up and she grabbed him by the shoulders, “We could go to the roller disco!”

He pushed her hands off him, “Jackie, you know I’m not into that stuff. You have friends who are, you know – and also, we’re not friends.”

“I thought you were my friend.”

He had fucked up royally.

He couldn’t stand the look on her face, “Okay fine, but don’t tell anyone,” he said, gesturing for her to sit down, “but why are you here all the time? Don’t you have cheer routines to plan or something?”

Jackie sighed, “Honestly? I don’t really want to see them right now, and I really don’t want to talk about it with you.”

“Okay.”

The two of them sat on his bed in silence for seven long seconds before Jackie interjected, “So... what’s this Foucault guy have to say?”

“Um,” Hyde didn’t think she’d be interested, but her attention felt oddly nice, “basically this chapter he’s talking about how prison doesn’t actually correct people’s behaviour, it’s the government repressing the lower classes expression of struggles through criminality.”

She stared at him blankly.

“Look, it’s probably not that interesting to you anyways, we can -”

“No! It is, I just -”

“Do you want to go watch some TV or something?”

They walked into the main room of the basement and positioned themselves on the couch. Hyde propped his leg up casually on the table, trying to draw attention away from the fact that he was out of his usual spot. They sat watching The Price is Right, as they had done regularly throughout the summer.

A few seconds in Jackie complained, “Another old lady. She can’t even reach the wheel!” Her outburst made him smirk.

“I can’t watch the Price is Right again, I just can’t.”

“God, this summer totally sucks. There’s nothing to do,” Jackie said, turning to him.

He stared at her. To her credit, all her focus on makeup and clothes paid off – she always looked hot. He felt her gaze and knew what she was implying, and assumed she was doing it to get back at Kelso. It would be a good burn, he justified to himself, ignoring the fact he had been thinking about their Veteran’s Day kiss every time that they were alone together that summer.

She leaned in and they kissed briefly, then pulled apart. They stared at each other again before pulling together again. Fuck, she felt good in his arms. Hyde thought back to that Veteran’s Day when he had taken he out to Mount Hump, how sitting in silence had never felt so comfortable. He had wanted to feel her on top of him ever since that day, felt this desperate need to taste her. Hyde bit down on her lip, hard.

“Steven!” she exclaimed.

“Sorry. Too rough?”

She had a look in her eye Hyde hadn’t seen before, “Do it again.”


	2. S5 E2: I Can’t Quit You Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, wow. So I had a lot of personal issues last year that I didn't expect and that also kept me from writing...I kind of was in a place where I thought no one would even like my writing, so when I was in a better place this year and decided to just go for it anyway and get back to this fic, seeing comments was so amazing, I would have never known people actually were reading and liked it, it blew me away! I'm sorry for being away so long, hopefully, you're still out there! :) Thank you all so much.

Burkharts don’t have tough times, and Jackie was no exception. Sure, some nagging doubts crept up on her – Michael had abandoned her instead of following through on their engagement, her school friends were currently gossiping about her to her face, she had gained three pounds, and worst of all, was regularly making out with scruffy dirtbag Steven Hyde. If she wasn’t a Burkhart, these definitely would be conditions for tough times.

 

But, she was. She held her head up high through it all, even when going on what could be considered a date with the aforementioned scruffy dirtbag. Even if being with him was reputation ruining (as if her reputation hadn’t taken enough hits lately), she had to admit to herself that she enjoyed his company – he might talk way too much about Led Zeppelin and that stupid car that ran on water, but he also held doors open for her, took her for long silent drives in the El Camino, and was actually a good kisser, unlike Micheal’s sloppy, slobbery mess.

 

They were going on one of those long, silent drives right now; Steven’s hand was comfortably warm on her tiny thigh as they drove through Point Place, she wondered if he could feel her pulse through her sheer floral dress. Jackie loved these drives because they allowed her time to just be, without having to put on the armour of her bitchy persona. Not that she wasn’t truly a bitch, because she knew she was, just sometimes it felt more performative than genuine.

 

In the passenger seat of Steven’s car, she could just sit silently and digest her day – what her mom had meant when she asked if Jackie was really wearing that outfit, who this Annette girl was that Donna had complained about over the phone, how to get back at and back into the cheer squad without more people finding out why she was on the outs, and what the hell she was thinking when she started this whole thing with Steven. She was so lost in thought and scheming, she almost didn’t notice that instead of pulling onto the exit and country roads, Steven was pulling the El Camino into the Hub’s parking lot.

 

“Why are we here?”

 

“I’m hungry,” he replied, and, mistaking the scared look on her face for annoyance, added, “Look, it won’t take that long.”

 

They got out of the car silently but Jackie’s mind was racing. She was sure to run into someone from the squad here, and they were not known for their ability to be subtle, kind, or refrain from rude comments. She raised her head high and proud and drew a deep breath.

 

“What, embarrassed to be seen with me?” Steven laughed.

 

“That’s not – whatever,” she fumbled, realizing that if they had the luck of not running into anyone, it would be better if he believed she was embarrassed of him than anything else. He opened the Hub door for her and she walked through, praying not to see a uniform.

 

No luck. Liz, Kat, and Mary were sitting by the door, waiting for their orders. The cheerleaders noticed them immediately.

 

“Well, at least your desperate rebound is cute,” Liz giggled. Jackie ignored her, grabbing Steven’s hand and pulling him hard towards the counter as her frenemies giggled behind them.

 

“Yeah, and his ride’s pretty nice too,” added Kat, “wouldn’t want you to ruin the upholstery though.”

 

They all laughed harder as Jackie turned a shade of bright pink and squeezed Steven’s hand hard. He had been ignoring them, trying to order a burger combo, but turned to the girls, “Damn Jackie, you’re cutting off the circulation.” She let go of his hand and he shook it out while the girls watched and laughed.

 

“Oh no, are you upset?” Kat turned to address Steven, “I wouldn’t waste what little money you have on buying her fries, Hyde.”

 

“Yeah, they’re just going to end up all over your backseat!” Mary laughed cruelly – Jackie figured it had taken her the whole conversation to come up with that zinger. Her mind was racing and incredibly embarrassed that Hyde – and the rest of the Hub – had found her out because of the snipes of her slutty friends. She had to find some way to save face.

 

“Oh yeah?” Jackie said, stalling for time, “Well. Well,” she remembered, “At least I’m not a slutball like you, Mary – Dylan Logan told me that you smelt like day-old cafeteria tuna.” Steven burst out laughing as Mary’s jaw dropped, as did the rest of the Hub. Jackie stormed out, hoping that her wicked burn had distracted everyone from the tears welling up in her eyes.

 

She ran to the passenger side of the El Camino – it was locked, she raced to the back and struggled to pull herself into the truck bed, away from the prying eyes of the Hub teenagers. Sometimes not being a giant like Donna had its drawbacks. She laid down and sobbed softly, hoping the no one walking by could see her. Steven was still in the Hub. Oh God, Steven. She never had to have that uncomfortable conversation with Michael because, well, Michael was an unobservant doofus. Steven, on the other hand, would definitely have something to say, and Jackie definitely did not want to hear it.

 

“Jackie, you’re not really hiding if I can hear you crying,” said Steven, appearing beside his car, “here, hold this so I can get in.” Jackie grabbed his to-go bag as he climbed into the bed beside her.

 

“Man, you really burned Mary. That was awesome,” he noted, slinging his arm around her shoulder, “Do you want a sip of my pop? You’re going to give yourself a headache or something.”

 

She took it without saying anything and tried to control her breathing. She could feel his eyes on her. This was so not how she had planned on spending her day. Well, she wasn’t going to say anything until he did. Jackie waited but he didn’t bring anything up; she knew a smart guy like Steven totally understood what they were teasing her for, and yet he kept silent. It was almost worse. Maybe he was grossed out, or didn’t want to see her anymore, or -

 

“Look, Jackie,” he started. It was happening, she was going to have to spend the rest of the summer with Fez, “if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. Honestly, it’s better, because I don’t want to talk to you about my problems, either.”

 

“So you don’t care?” She stared up at him, relieved.

 

“I mean,” he paused as if it was difficult to say, “obviously I care about you, and if you ever do want to talk about it, I’m here. I don’t really know how it happened that I’m the one that’s here, but I guess that’s where we are now.”

 

She exhaled slowly, trying to wipe the gross snot off her nose – she probably looked like a monster right now. Steven handed her one of his takeout napkins in silence. Michael would have been laughing.

 

“Let’s not talk about it then,” she said, mainly because she didn’t really know where to start. She just felt so out of control and she hated it. Those girls didn’t even care about what they were saying; half of the squad was probably doing the same thing – they were just cruelly giddy about the great Jackie Burkhart being caught doing it too.

 

“Alright. You wanna hang out here for a while, or go?”

 

“Remember that ravine we went to, where someone stole all our clothes?”

* * *

“So why were you with Kelso for so long?”

 

She pushed her face into his chest, “You smell like cheesy fries.” He actually smelt strangely amazing, like Marlboro cigarettes and sweat – Burt Reynolds probably smelt like that, she thought to herself. She wondered if she pretended to shiver, would he pull her closer? The late summer air was heavy near the water, making the thin fabric of her dress cling to her skin. He ran his thumb along her arm, and she shivered for real.

 

He pulled her closer, “Or we could just sit here in silence forever, then.”

 

Jackie hesitated, trying to put it into words, “I guess because sometimes it’s better to have one person kind of love you than no one at all? He was safe, you know?”

 

He sat up, laughing in a way she hated – when he used to laugh at her, not with her. She hadn’t heard it in a while.

 

“That’s such bullshit.”

 

She sat up quickly, facing him, “You don’t know, okay?”

 

“I don’t know? _I don’t know_? I know better than a little princess like you,” he laughed forcefully, fake. She was close enough to slap him.

 

“You don’t know anything about me, okay?”

 

The blanket underneath them scratched against her bare knees. Steven was breathing heavily; apparently not so Zen about everything after all. That was new. She balled her hands into little fists, digging her well-manicured nails into her palms. He laughed, softer this time.

 

“Okay, fine. I don’t know anything,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. His beard barely brushed her lips before she pushed him away, “Oh come on Jackie, you can’t still be -”

 

She pulled off her dress and he went bug-eyed; before he could make a sound, make a move, she had swung herself over the side of the El Camino and was running towards the edge of the ravine, kicking up a cloud of dust in her wake. She could hear him scrambling after her, but she made it to the water before he could catch up.

“Too slow!” she shouted, watching him undress frantically by the water’s edge as she splashed around.

 

“Yeah well, I’ve partied a lot, so my balance is off,” he retorted, pulling off his left boot.

 

She ignored him, opting to float freely in what was surely filthy water and try and figure out what exactly she was doing. He was, to his credit, foxy as hell, but definitely way too scruffy to be a serious option. Absolutely not the kind of guy a Burkhart should be seen with – Jackie grinned, imagining what her mother would do if she could see her now. Scream, probably.

 

So that was why she liked him. A bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks who was no good, and there was definitely nothing more to it. A phase, she reassured herself.

 

Something pulled her legs down into the water – she splashed frantically for a moment before he let her go, paddling out in front of her. She swam closer to him, wrapping her legs around him in the water, pressing her chest to his. Jackie felt him growing hard against her and smiled softly before placing her hands firmly on his shoulders and pushing him underwater.

 

At least it was going to be an interesting phase.

 


	3. S5 E3: What Is and What Never Should Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm returning to this fic after almost a year has passed. I'm really hoping and keeping my fingers crossed that you'll like the direction I'm taking it in. Thank you so much for reading my work.

“Of course I’m embarrassed by you, you – you scruffy...burnout!” Jackie giggled underneath him as he pinned her arms beside her head. She squirmed, trying to get out from between his legs – she wasn’t trying very hard, laughing hysterically as he teased her and leaned in towards her, pressing their foreheads together.

 

Just brushing her lips, he said, “Are you embarrassed by me now?”

 

“Of course!”

 

He kissed the soft skin under her jaw, still holding her tight even though she was almost deathly still. He could her hear exhale with a shudder as he kissed her exposed jawline, and asked, “Can’t stand to be seen with me?”

 

Jackie squeaked out a halfhearted no, but he wasn’t listening anymore, trailing soft kisses along her skin. She smelt faintly of jasmines. He bit down on her shoulder just to hear that girlish squeal of laughter again.

 

“Steven!” She smacked him away, her hands now free as he released them to pull down her dress. He had quickly learned during his brief make-out sessions with Jackie that despite having ‘done it’ with Kelso, in her words, “like, a million times”, she was actually pretty inexperienced with any move that was more than someone shoving their tongue down her throat and thinking she liked it. He loved it, not just because when Kelso found out about them he was totally going to burn him for it, but because she loved it too – and it showed.

 

“If I promise you that I’m not going to try and do it with you, will you trust me?”

 

She nodded and he helped her shimmy out of her dress, a difficult task on his tiny fold-out bed. He definitely pretended not to be, but he was always the kind of guy that got off on girls enjoying themselves – he would lie awake in the same bed that she was in now, gripping himself and imagining her face flushed pink, her short gasping breaths, her lithe body pushing up against him, and would come thinking about making her come.

 

As he traced her nipple with his thumb, he thought about how he would have never imagined this would be his life. Making out with a cheerleader, a cheerleader who used to date his best friend, a cheerleader who, dare he say it, was surprisingly deep? It wasn’t going to end well, no matter how he framed it in his head. It would be a fun ride, though, until Kelso killed him.

 

He made his way down to just above her belly button, kissing every inch of skin he could, holding her body tight in his arms, before she stopped him and asked, “Steven?”

 

He looked up at her, shocked by the scared tremble in her voice – it was barely there, but obvious because he had never heard it before.

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

He pulled himself up to meet her eyes and brushed a stray hair from her face, “I won’t be mad if you do.”

Her eyes searched his face as she thought. It was strange how different she could be sometimes, when they were alone. Shy, almost.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s just, Michael said that that’s gross. Or something,” she said, turning her face away to avoid meeting his eyes.

 

He knew that he was his best friend, but god, Kelso could be an asshole. Hyde grabbed her face in his hand and forced her to make eye contact with him.

 

“I don’t give a fuck about Kelso, okay?”

 

She didn’t look convinced, but to be fair, it was hard to tell with her mouth squished up between his fingers.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay,” she agreed. He let go of her face, leaving white marks where he had held her a little too tightly.

 

“Do you want me to do that?”

 

She smiled wickedly.

 

* * *

“Say whatever if the Formans are in the room.”

 

He obliged, curious as to why she was using a ruse. This wasn’t exactly what he had expected when Mrs. Forman told him that Jackie was calling, but he was definitely intrigued, given the fact that she had never called him – and more importantly, what had happened the night before.

 

“Keep saying that and just listen to what I have to say, okay Steven?”

 

“Whatever,” he said. Damn, he kind of understood her whole bossy thing now. He wouldn’t be following her around like puppy-dog Kelso or anything, but he could get used to that voice saying his name like that.

 

“I kept thinking about you last night, when I got home.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“I touched myself thinking of you.”

 

“Wha-atever,” he managed to choke out, glancing at Forman getting something from the fridge. Could he hear what was going on?

 

“I tasted myself too, because I wanted to know what you tasted.”

 

The back of his neck started to sweat. Where the hell was this coming from? He couldn’t eat breakfast with the Formans with a hard-on. He thought of dead puppies. He thought of Richard Nixon. He thought of that time his mother hit him over the head with a bottle and when he came to he saw the shrivelled dick of one of her ‘boyfriends’ as he was sneaking into the bathroom. That worked.

 

“I want you to -”

 

“Yeah, like I care,” he scrambled frantically to sound normal in front of the Formans, “alright, I’ll talk to you later Jackie.”

 

“Ewwww,” Forman groaned, “you mind not getting all gooey and romantic when I’m about to eat my breakfast?”

 

“What crawled up your butt?” he retorted, thanking Judas Priest that he hadn’t actually overheard that brief conversation. How was he supposed to focus on whatever breakfast Mrs. Forman had made, much less Forman guilting him into a long emotional conversation with Kelso.

 

Yeah, that would go over well. _Hey Kelso, I’ve been eating out your ex-girlfriend – we’re cool though right?_ Forman just didn’t get it, which was a good thing; whether he was awarded achievement beads or whatever, he was a total Cub Scout, he would never do something so dirtbag-y and couldn’t understand how it would go over.

 

But Steven Hyde would, because he was a dirtbag.

 

He had Kelso on the back burner of his mind since he and Jackie had started hanging out, but now that he was back from California it had gotten so much worse. Forman constantly reminding him didn’t help. Steven already knew a confrontation was on its way, he didn’t want to put himself through it twice by talking about it first. It would happen eventually anyway.

 

_Wait, Mrs. Forman is pregnant?_

 

God, Eric’s going to be a terrible older brother.

 

He distracted himself from the Kelso problem by teasing Forman and Red; despite being the most angry, unhappy guy Hyde knew, Red was a great dad – though he’d never tell Forman that.

 

He spent the rest of the day brainstorming and plotting whether or not he should tell Kelso. He had landed on no, or that Jackie should do it, basically any solution where he didn’t have to explain himself – he couldn’t decide whether the news would be worse coming from a best friend or ex-girlfriend. Terrible either way.

 

Hyde couldn’t help but justify himself though; Kelso was terrible to Jackie, he cheated on her all the time. It didn’t make him feel less guilty.

 

He was still grappling with the problem while shooting hoops on the Forman’s driveway, still figuring out how to break it to Kelso when Jackie wandered over.

 

“Hey, Steven. I had fun last night.”

 

He didn’t care, it had all been worth it for that.


	4. S5 E4: Heartbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a dialogue-heavy chapter with Jackie and Donna hanging out and getting high.

Jackie was experiencing an unfamiliar emotion – guilt. She imagined that this is how fat girls must feel when they eat too much jerky and get meat sweats. It was unpleasant, to say the least; why did people have to hold her accountable for her actions?

 

“Jackie, whatever you and Hyde are -”

 

“It’s nothing!” Jackie interjected before Donna could finish – she was always so annoying. What did she know about dating? She was with Eric, she was practically a lesbian. She dressed like one, anyway.

 

“Then break up with him.”

 

“No.” Why was she still talking?

 

“Then talk to Kelso.”

 

“No.”

 

“Listen, you’re going to hurt both of them if you don’t. Kelso is Hyde’s best friend, and when he saw you guys kissing, he just fell apart. I mean, it was awful. And then he ran into the screen door.”

 

“Ugh, he’s just so bad at doors!” She couldn’t believe she dated that idiot for years. She slept with that idiot. But she was currently dating a scruffy burnout, so maybe she didn’t have the best taste in men.

 

_God, I’m going to turn into my mom._

 

“Look, if you don’t work things out with Kelso, everybody’s gonna choose sides and nobody’s gonna be friends anymore!”

 

Donna was a giant ginger giraffe.

 

“Well, that’s not my fault! Look, he deserted me. He broke my heart. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He cheated all the time, he never really loved her, he was like a child who didn’t care about a toy until it got taken away and then throws a tantrum. Or more accurately, a dog with a bone! He always smelled like dogs. Gross.

 

Donna wasn’t done lecturing her, apparently.

 

“You’re dating his best friend!”

 

Donna was the jolly red giant, stomping around on other people’s fun.

 

“You gotta talk to him – you owe him an explanation.”

 

Donna was right.

 

“Ugh, that is so not the way I wanted to spend the day.” She had been planning to spend the day with Steven, doing that Thing he did – and after, potentially convince him (blackmail him) into taking her to the roller disco.

 

“Well, I didn’t want to spend the day wiping tears and pudding off Kelso’s cheek,” Donna retorted.

 

That was a fair point.

 

“Fine. I’ll talk to him. God, why do you always have to talk me into doing the right thing?”

 

“Because you don’t have a conscience of your own to do it?”

 

Another good point.

 

Donna was so thoughtful.

 

Jackie would never say it out loud, but she thanked god she had a sane person to talk to sometimes; if her ego was left unchecked, she’d turn into a total monster – or worse, her mom.

 

She got up from the Pinciotti’s tacky kitchen table and enveloped Donna in a bear hug. Well, she was tiny, so it was more like a baby bear hug, she thought, a baby bear hugging a giraffe. That would be so cute. She wondered if she could talk Steven into taking her to the zoo.

 

“Jackie!”

 

“What?”

 

“What are you doing – I’m still mad at you!”

 

Jackie hugged her tighter and singsonged, “but I’m so cute, you can’t be mad with me!”

 

Donna pushed her off – with a little difficulty, which was surprising given her lumberjack arms – and said the magic words that Jackie needed to hear, “So, do you want to have a circle or what?”

 

* * *

Jackie wouldn’t admit it, lest she lose what little credibility she had with the group, but she liked smoking one on one way better than as a group. With the group, she had to focus so much on not saying the wrong thing and burning herself in front of everyone, about how horrible and puffy her eyes looked when she was stoned, and most importantly, about not accidentally farting.

 

She would rather die than fart in front of another human being.

 

When she was just with Donna (or even just with Steven, though the farting was still a concern with him) she could just goof off and be herself. Plus, they had their own circle rituals at Donna’s; they’d put on tingly blue face masks, do each other’s makeup (when mindbogglingly high, Jackie didn’t care about how terribly Donna applied her blush), and watch Gilligan’s Island together, inventing ways that they would get off the island – and in the process, sleep with the professor.

 

“Jackie, have you really thought this one through?” asked Donna as she smeared blue mud across her forehead.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Jackie knew what she meant, but she wouldn’t be the first one to say it.

 

“Why are you with Hyde?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“If it’s just a fling, you know, or you figuring out a crush, it’s going to be really awkward and horrible and hurt people only for nothing to come of it...are you actually serious about him?”

 

“I am,” Jackie said, a bit hurt. She had known Donna long enough for her to know she wasn’t that much of a bitch – she thought. She had never been so hurt while wearing a face mask.

 

Donna gave her a look.

 

“I swear!”

 

“It’s just that he’s not really your usual type,” Donna said. Jackie thought about it a bit more and supposed it made sense – Donna was just protective and double checking; she definitely hadn’t always made the best choices when it came to dating. The cheese guy was definitely a low point.

 

“He’s not a dumb pretty boy?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Maybe that’s good for me, you know? Hyde’s like, a good guy. Underneath the beard and dirty Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Plus,” Jackie paused conspiratorially, “I actually like his scruffy beard. It’s...foxy.”

 

“Gross.”

 

_Plus, if I thought Fez was good with his tongue I had no idea..._

 

“What’s this about a tongue?”

 

“Did I say that out loud?”

 

“Forget it, I don’t want to know.”

 

“I’ll tell you later,” Jackie laughed.

 

“Please don’t.”

 

“Please, you’re doing it with beanpole Eric – you’ll die when you hear this.”

 

“I’ll have you know, Beulah, that Eric may be...” Donna paused to find the nicest way of putting it, “lean, but he is very well-”

 

“Yuck!” Jackie interrupted, sticking her fingers in her ears as Donna tackled her, trying to yank them out and torture her by describing her boyfriend’s apparent sexual prowess, “You’re going to smudge my face mask!”

 

“Oooh, the horror,” Donna said sarcastically, pinning her down with ease.

 

“I didn’t know I’d be walking in on some girl-on-girl action,” Hyde said from above them, “don’t let me interrupt.”

 

Jackie hadn’t heard the door open.

 

She looked up at Steven and shrieked, “My face is blue!” trying frantically to hide her temporary ugliness with her hands. He would never let her hear the end of it, he would make fun of her until the end of time, he would be so annoyed at her shallow adherence to superficial standards of beauty and become disillusioned with her once he realized how high-maintenance she was – _god, maybe she had smoked a little too much._

 

He just laughed, “Whatever, Beulah.”

 

She was getting paranoid about nothing; it wasn’t exactly like she normally hid her high-maintenance, princess side. Why was being with a guy making her this nervous?

 

“If you’re staying,” Donna stood up and looked at him, all business under the blue, “you’re putting this crap on too.”

 

After two minutes of Jackie explaining that it was not crap, but intensely detoxifying mud from a Mexican volcano (or hot spring, she couldn’t remember), Steven was sitting with the girls in the circle, trying to figure out how to take a hit without getting face mask on their joint.

 

“You know, usually this isn’t a problem for me,” he said, bemused, before asking, “is this a regular thing for you two?”

 

“Duh, we have lives outside of you dumbasses at Eric’s,” Jackie said.

 

“Careful, you’re starting to sound like Red.”

 

“How’s he taking everything with the pregnancy, by the way?” Donna asked, turning to Steven.

 

“Shit, I don’t know, it’s Red. They’ll be fine though, it’s Forman you really gotta worry about.”

 

“Awe, I just love babies,” Jackie said dreamily, snuggling into Steven’s shoulder.

 

“Changing topics,” Donna said, seeing the terrified look on his face, “have you talked to Kelso yet?”

 

“No, I’m heading to the basement after this though, I figured he’s probably hanging around there and moping.”

 

“I still don’t see what the big deal is,” Jackie said, before turning to Steven and adding, “I got over that creepy crush you had on Donna.”

 

Donna burst out laughing, “I mean, she’s not wrong.”

 

“Hey, I wasn’t that creepy.”

 

Both girls just stared at him before bursting out laughing again.

 

“I like the circle at Forman’s better.”

 

“Yeah, because Fez is there, so you seem less creepy,” Jackie giggled, “in comparison.”

 

“Whose side are you on?” Steven laughed, begrudgingly, “anyway, I’m going over there after this but I thought I’d see Donna first – not for that,” he explained, “I just thought I might need backup.”

 

“Yeah, because she’s a lumberjack.”

 

“Exactly,” Steven agreed, continuing before Donna could protest, “and it’s probably best if you stay behind; I don’t want him thinking we’re teaming up on him or anything.”

 

Jackie thought about it and agreed, she could talk to Michael later.

 

“Fine,” she said as they got up and headed to the door, “but you should wash your faces first.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot because I'm trying, y'all! I hope that I'm doing my faves justice and that you're having fun reading (until later, when it will be angsty and fun in a different way). Please let me know what you think!


	5. S5 E5: Ramble On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyde is high, hates being vulnerable and says stupid things. Jackie is...literally the same.

Why had he even thought that he could trust Jackie? _Oh, he told her not to tell._ He told a gossipy cheerleader not to tell and she told – and what, he felt betrayed? He felt betrayed over a little girl telling her friend a piece of gossip; Forman was right, he was turning into a cheerleader.

 

The real question was why he even cared. It’s not like she was his girlfriend or anything. They just fooled around sometimes, got food together at the Hub, went on drives in his car and talked.

 

Okay, so maybe she was his girlfriend. So what?

 

It’s not like he hadn’t had a girlfriend before.

 

Okay, technically he hadn’t had a steady girlfriend before, but that was by choice. His choice; he just couldn’t be bothered. Girls came with baggage – and eventually they found out about his baggage, and then they split immediately.

 

So why did he care about this girl?

 

It was that look. Not the fake pout-y look that she used when she wanted attention (which had its own appeal, if he was being truly honest with himself), but the one she had when she thought no one looking – she looked scared and it hit too close to home.

 

Hyde already had an inkling of why the golden girl of Point Place had a hundred-yard stare, but it still stuck with him. Her mask matched his and he had to know why because maybe, if he figured it out, he could take his off, finally. But he definitely couldn’t do that if she was running around yapping about rings to everyone.

 

He was getting way too introspective – he had definitely been hitting the circle too hard. That was the only reason. He had to relax, he told himself, unbuckling his belt and preparing to slide his dick out of his pants.

 

“Hi, Steven,” Jackie said, walking into his room like it were her own and flopping herself down on the chair opposite his bed.

 

“Jackie, what the hell!” Maybe if he leaned forward she couldn’t tell. She looked nice in that sweater.

 

What was wrong with him?

 

“What, why do you sound mad at me?”

 

He had to act fast, “You know why.” _Yeah, that was cool. Very Bogart._

 

“Wait a minute. You’re mad at me for telling Donna a secret?”

 

Well, technically she was right, but it sounded stupid when she said it.

 

“Steven, I tell secrets. It’s who I am,” she said. She had a way of saying terrible, ridiculous things in such a matter-of-fact way that he sometimes forgot to notice how ridiculous she was being.

 

“Look, all I’m saying is,” he didn’t really know what he was saying but soldiered on despite it, “if you’re gonna be my girlfriend, you can’t go running around, shooting off your big, fat, cheerleader mouth.”

 

“You just called me your girlfriend,” she said. Her smile lit up her face and he instantly regretted saying it.

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

If they were together there were expectations – expectations that he would fall incredibly short of.

 

“Yes, you did.”

 

If they were together then they could be apart and he could learn that it’s possible to be even more alone than now.

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

If they were together and he let down his walls he would learn all over again exactly why he built them in the first place.

 

“Yes, you did.”

 

If they were together for long enough she’d really get to know the real Hyde, not the white knight from the wrong side of the tracks fantasy that she’s built up in her head, the real him, and she’d hate him.

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

If they were together he’d end up pushing her away and hurting her and becoming just like every guy that he saw with Edna.

 

“Yes, you did and shut up! You’re ruining it,” she said, shifting over to his bed before continuing, “Okay now listen to me, I’ll keep my mouth shut if you admit that I’m your girlfriend.”

 

“No, the price is too high.”

 

“Okay, fine. You know what? I’m telling everybody everything anyways. Starting with the fact that you called me your girlfriend.”

 

Maybe if they were together it wouldn’t be that bad.

 

“You’re blackmailing me? You’re coming along nicely.”

 

He kissed her, she tasted like cotton candy and marijuana. Her legs were draped across his and his hand was grabbing her ass and he was up in his own head, a million miles away from where he should be.

 

“Actually, can we stop?” Wow. He was turning into a cheerleader; Jackie was making him weak – Kelso must’ve been a genius before he met her.

 

“Sure,” she said, laying down. Her legs were still wrapped around him.

 

“I’m just,” he tried to think of a viable excuse, “I’m just too high, or something.”

 

“Steven,” she sighed flippantly, “you’re always high.”

 

_Yeah, you’ll have a problem with that soon._

 

“Just shut your pretty little pie-hole, okay?”

 

“You think I’m pretty?”

 

He thought she was breathtaking, but he just put his hand over her mouth. They lay there for a few minutes in silence while Hyde tried to gather his thoughts.

 

“Steven? Your belt buckle is undone,” she mumbled from underneath his hand. Okay, so they lasted a minute. That was pretty good actually, in Jackie’s world a minute of silence was an eternity.

 

“Whatever,” he said, the word coming out more stilted than he intended. Zen seemed not to be a concept around Jackie anymore.

 

“Are you still mad?”

 

Was he still mad?

 

“I just want to talk,” he said, wondering what had happened to him that those words were actually coming out of his mouth when he had a girl like Jackie lying in his bed, “about what it means now that I’m,” he could’ve choked on the words, “your boyfriend.”

 

It felt like he was having an out-of-body experience.

 

“Well,” Jackie flipped her hair to look up at him, “you buy me nice dinners, and win me stuffed unicorns at fairs, and tell me that I look pretty, and -”

 

“No,” he said, asserting himself. He had to make it clear that this was not going to be that kind of relationship. He had no idea about what it actually would be like, but he was very clear on what it was not going to be. Hyde was not going to be Kelso numero dos.

 

“Well then what’s the point?” she snapped, only half-joking.

 

“I meant more like ground rules...so you don’t get these crazy expectations,” because I can’t even half-live up to them, he concluded in his head. To his credit, he wasn’t sure that any guy could. Hell, that was half the problem with her and Kelso; Jackie expected him to be a romantic genius. The other half was the cheating.

 

“I still want a stuffed unicorn.”

 

“Only if I steal it.”

 

“If it’s pink and fluffy, I’ll look the other way for you – if you stop wearing shades all the time.”

What was wrong with his shades?

 

“What’s wrong with my shades?”

 

“Well, I like them sometimes, because I can see my reflection in them, and I’m cute,” he had definitely noticed Jackie checking herself out in them on a few occasions, “But other times, I feel like I’m making out with the Skyjacker.”

 

“That’s a fair point. Weird, but fair,” he silently noted that he definitely had to get her high and hear her opinions on that case, because he had a strong suspicion that they would be outlandishly wild, “I want you to stop comparing me to Kelso all the time.”

 

“I don’t do that all the time!”

 

“You do, and it creeps me out,” he left out the fact where he constantly compared himself to Kelso. A 4-foot high cheerleader had him so wrapped around her pink manicured finger that he was jealous of Kelso, of all people.

 

“Fine, I’ll stop if you admit you like ABBA.”

 

Now, this was the real blackmail.

 

“Actually, I changed my mind. I don’t care,” he said. He hoped that he could be with Jackie without losing his credentials, but he knew better.

 

“Just admit it to me.”

 

“Dancing Queen is...tolerable,” he managed.

 

She didn’t say anything, just stared at him and pouted.

 

“Fine! I love it! I know all the words! Is that what you wanted to hear?” he said in a faux-angry voice.

 

“It was, thank you,” she said with a cheery smile. Hyde couldn’t help but smile back, before thinking o what his next bargaining chip would be.

 

“I want,” Hyde paused, thinking about how to best articulate what he wanted. He wanted what Forman and Pinciotti had, or Red and Mrs Forman had – that easy sort of implicit trust, no matter how much they argued and fucked up, they had second and third chances and a safety in each other that guys like him didn’t get to have with people.

 

“I want to come over to your place,” he said, figuring that she would have no problem with that. Kelso always went there, probably getting his hair curled or whatever they actually did when the two of them were together.

 

“Never,” she retorted, more defensive than he had expected. What was her problem?

 

 

 

“Just once?”

 

“No.”

 

“Isn’t the whole reason you’re with me to piss off your parents? Don’t I actually have to meet them for that to happen?”

 

“Is that really why you think that I’m with you?”

 

He didn’t know what to think, but he felt angrier than he should have been, he noted in the part of his brain that was still Zen.

 

“Isn’t it?” he spat out.

 

“Yeah, that’s the only reason,” she said bitterly, “to piss them off, because they would hate me being with someone like you.”

 

“Someone like me?”

 

“Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I mean.”

 

He knew exactly what she meant. He was scum that she was slumming it with and everyone knew, least of all him – it still hurt to his core to hear that she knew it too.

 

“I’m not Kelso, I know exactly what you mean, that’s why I’m pissed,” he seethed back.

 

“See, you’re the one who compares himself to Michael, not me!”

 

He hated the way she said his name. _Michael._ He was fucking Kelso. _Michael._ Those two shrill syllables sounded like years of intimacy and being the only guy she had slept with. A guy that she could go running back to at any time.

 

“Whatever. Why don’t you want me to meet your parents?”

 

“What parents?”

 

“What?”

 

“If you ever asked me about my life, ever, you would know that they’re not there,” she said. She was right. They usually didn’t do too much talking when they hung out, and he had never asked. A good guy – Forman – would have known immediately. What did she mean they’re not there? He was an asshole for not knowing and he felt attacked at having it pointed out. As if he didn’t already know how much he didn’t deserve a girl like her.

 

“If you ever shut up about stupid bullshit then maybe I would ask!”

 

“No you wouldn’t,” she said, as if she knew.

 

“Maybe I would,” he said. She didn’t know who he was.

 

“No, you wouldn’t.”

 

“Okay fine, I wouldn’t,” he ceded.

 

“You’re a jerk.” So she did know – a little slow to the draw, but still.

 

“You’re just finding that out now?”

 

“I just thought...”

 

“Thought what? That I’d be different with you?” _That_ _I_ _’d treat_ _you_ _right and kiss you softly and ask you about how your day went?_ Hyde was never that guy. He could never be.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Because you’re a pretty little princess who everyone caters to and always gets things exactly the way she wants? You thought I’d be the same way, just another thing that goes your way?” he said, thinking back to her romantic and all too childish Veteran’s Day speech about how she could save him. He had heard the same one from a lot of girls in his old neighbourhood, as they justified an asshole boyfriend’s actions.

 

“No.,” tears were welling up in her baby doe eyes. Those eyes must make it easy for her to manipulate other people, but Hyde had seen that party trick a few too many times for it to work on him.

 

“Then what?”

 

“I thought you actually cared about me,” she said, letting her words sink into Hyde’s gut like a dirty shiv, “I guess that I was wrong.”

 

She stormed out of his room, leaving him in her wake. He felt shell-shocked – she was going to give him emotional whiplash.

 

He’d figure out a way to make it up to her. She’d forgive him. They’d kiss and make up.

 

He was lying to himself.

 

Before he could spiral properly, she stormed right back in, threw him down onto the bed and kissed him, exclaiming, “Steven! That was our first fight!”

 

“What?”

 

_She came back._

 

“It’s a relationship milestone!”

 

_What?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you're liking reading it as much as I like writing it - there's a lot more to come for these two.


	6. S5 E6: Over the Hills and Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie goes to Marquette with Donna, later she and Hyde work out like .0000001 of their issues, so progress!

 

This was a first – the cheerleading wasn’t helping. Usually when Jackie felt out of control, she knew exactly how to fix it, but watching the Marquette team’s pom-pom waterfalls wasn’t working (she could do way better) and she felt nauseated. She hadn’t even ate! What was her problem?

 

Or more accurately, what was Steven’s problem?

 

She couldn’t manipulate him into anything, not even feeling sorry for her. Admittedly, she hadn’t let on about everything that was upsetting her, so he wouldn’t have known to feel sorry for her, but he should have sensed it! She was his girlfriend, after all. Now, not only did she have to worry about her mom’s supposed two-week trip to Mexico turning into a never-ending tequila extravaganza, her dad taking the opportunity to spend his newfound free time in nights over at his lawyer’s house, and Kat and the rest of the squad closing in on her from all sides for dating a stoner juvenile delinquent and throwing up her lunch after practice, she had to worry about her aforementioned burnout boyfriend doing it with the sluts at UW.

 

Rich people shouldn’t have problems like this. That was the law or something, right?

 

She felt alone and out of control. She couldn’t talk to her parents – even if they would talk to her, she would never burst the carefully constructed facade she maintained with them. Or anyone, if she really thought about it. She could probably talk to Donna about it, but Donna would be all goody two-giant-shoes and feel bad for her, which was the worst thing in the world. Jackie Burkhart did not need anyone’s pity.

 

She definitely couldn’t talk to Steven.

 

It’s not like she hadn’t tried. Well, sort of tried. But he was the one who should try harder, not her! He should know better. Boyfriends are supposed to know exactly when their girlfriend is upset and do a grand gesture to cheer them up, like buying them a bouquet of pink roses or a car. Ugh, but Steven couldn’t afford either of those!

 

He still should have talked to her.

 

He still had so many walls up with her – she was supposed to be the only one with walls! It was like he shut a part of himself down when they were together; she could even pinpoint when in conversations he did it, because usually, she did the same thing with other people, but she wasn’t ‘other people’. Only instead of making a bitchy, shallow comment to make people tune out, he got defensive and angry – or worse, went silent. Usually Jackie didn’t care when people went silent and tuned out around her, because then she could talk about whatever she wanted (Donna did it sometimes, usually when Jackie was talking about hair care and maintenance; Jackie liked to slip in stories about alien pregnancies and dolphin mutinies when she did) but she hated when Steven did it.

 

The truth was that Jackie didn’t have a lot of people she could actually talk to.

 

Sure, she had lots of people that she hung out with, and she liked talking to Donna, when she wasn’t complaining about that human beanpole. She kept too much from her, though. Jackie knew that it was too late to open the floodgates at this point in their friendship, when they had been closed for so long. Plus, she would probably freak out if she knew all of it – about how that asshole Chip from an otherwise magical Veteran’s Day found her a month later at a party and tried to get back at her for ‘leading him on’, how many meals she missed in order to stay looking cheerleader levels of thin – although that was backfiring on her, how her parents spoke to her (and to each other) like she was a prop instead of a daughter, hell, Donna would freak out if she found out that Jackie snuck the occasional cigarette, and Donna used to smoke!

 

She had thought that Steven would listen, though. Of course, he had a lot more problems because he was poor, but he would get it, at the very least. But Steven never wanted to talk about feelings, which was confusing because he never talked about his feelings. You would think that he would get sick of it at some point.

 

“Good to know,” he said. It was the icing on a disgusting cake made of awful. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt; she had hoped that she could open up to him, but she couldn’t even trust him not to do it with other girls! It was Micheal all over again, only worse because she expected better.

 

The cheerleader’s high kicks and pom-pom twirls were turning into a nauseating blur of colours.

 

She stood up to leave – too quickly, she thought to herself as her vision blacked out and she slumped back into her seat on the bleachers.

 

The cheer chants were ringing in her ears.

 

“Go, team, go!”

 

“Go, team, go!”

 

“Good to know!”

 

“Good to know!”

 

Jackie took a deep breath and braced herself, standing up slower and bracing herself on the armrest before racing out of the gymnasium.

 

* * *

 

Donna had surprisingly, given her some decent advice. If she backed off from Steven, he’d come running to her! _That’s definitely what Donna had meant._

 

Even if it didn’t work, she’d look cute doing it, she thought, looking down at her sweater with it’s adorably embroidered flowers before smoothing it down and walking into the Forman’s kitchen. Hyde was standing near the fridge holding an orange soda.

 

She’d win this battle.

 

“Hey,” she said, reminding herself to be Zen. He had taught her that, a long time ago – she might even break out a disaffected ‘whatever’, if the situation called for it.

 

“Hi,” he said. It was the apprentice facing the master; Eric would probably have something dorky to say about that. He continued before she could even respond, “Look, Jackie, I know you were worried before, so I just want to let you know, nothing happened on my end this weekend.”

 

She stared at him as calmly as she possibly could.

 

“I’m not telling you that so you’ll tell me what you did,” he added, looking shocked.

 

_He looked shocked!_

 

She was doing perfect high kicks and pom-pom waterfalls on the inside.

 

“I just want to let you know what happened with me. That’s my report to you,” he concluded, awkwardly punctuating his sentence with a pointed finger. He smiled expectantly.

 

It was show time.

 

“All right, good to know,” Jackie replied, cool as she’d ever been. _God, I should be an actress._

 

“Good to know?”

 

So now he knew how that feels. It was time for the closing blows.

 

“Did I stutter?”

 

It was a knockout. Jackie rolled her eyes and brushed past him towards the basement, leaving her opponent thoroughly shaken. She had to remind herself not to look back at the wreckage; it would weaken her victory. That being said, she could hear Steven following her downstairs and into the basement. It was empty – a rarity.

 

“Jackie, did you actually do something this weekend?”

 

“I went to Marquette with Donna,” she replied, feigning innocence. Now he knew how it felt to be treated that way, being ignored to your face. What good was a boyfriend who didn’t pay attention to her?

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

He was paying attention now, though.

 

“I thought you didn’t care,” Jackie said, adding a little bitterly, “you didn’t care went you left this morning.”

 

“I was just...” he trailed off, arms groping the air in an attempt to gesture what he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t his best look.

 

“Faking?”

 

“What?”

 

“You fake this persona, this cool shades guy act, and it’s fine. I get it, okay? Just be real with me.”

 

“Wow,” he said, clenching his jaw, “There’s a lot to unpack there.”

 

“Tell me I’m wrong,” she dared him. Where Zen ends ass-kicking begins, and Jackie was ready to kick some ass right about now.

 

“You’re wrong.”

 

“Really,” Jackie knew she was right because she was always right, but she needed to drive her point home, “then explain it to me.”

 

“Look, Jackie. You’re so full of shit – I’m faking? If anyone’s faking it’s you, with your bitchy princess thing, and also, you don’t ‘get it’,” he said, punctuating his point with air quotes – maybe she was turning him into a cheerleader, “okay? You don’t know me, you don’t get me.” Steven could be so frustrating in his blatant attempts to keep people at bay; apparently it worked on most people the first time, because his strategy was getting worn out with multiple uses. Luckily, Jackie was nothing if not persistent, and was dedicated to showing him how circular his logic was. _For a smart guy, Steven could be really dumb sometimes._

 

“Then tell me!”

 

“I don’t need you to fix me, okay?”

 

The frost in his voice shook her out of proving her point – for the moment. Jackie recoiled a little at the unexpected turn (or breakthrough, said the Donahue in the back of her mind) in subject matter and the rare tremor underneath his voice.

 

“I don’t think that you’re broken?” She was so startled by the unexpected outburst that her voice took on an uncharacteristically soft tone. _Was that how he thought she saw him?_

 

“Oh come on, I remember that little Veteran’s Day speech you gave me about fixing my poor person issues with the love of a pretty girl...I’m not your schoolgirl fantasy,” he batted back her vulnerability with ease, spite oozing out of each syllable. Had he been any other boy, Jackie would have left then and there, but his almost too obviously defence-mechanism venom had her wanting to run towards him instead of away. She could be immune to his poison if he was to hers.

 

“Is that what you think this is?”

 

He opted to stare at her through his shades instead of responding. She could see his teeth grinding and knew he was hating every second of their conversation; he was decidedly not going to be the first one to be emotionally vulnerable in their relationship.

 

So Jackie took the leap. “Steven, I think you’re amazing,” she reached out to touch his crossed arms.

 

“Whatever,” he said.

 

He didn’t move to embrace her, but he didn’t push her away either, just stood there with his arms crossed – for a mature man, Jackie thought to herself, Steven was acting kind of like a baby.

 

She soldiered on, “I think you’re so smart, you know?” She continued while manually uncrossing his arms for him and wrapping them around her slender body, “You see things in this way that other people don’t – in ways that I don’t see things, for sure.”

 

Jackie stared up at him to catch the impact of her words, but he just shrugged out from her embrace and avoided her niceties with an eye roll and a glib, “I get it, I’m smart. Whatever.”

 

She was done babying him – that had lasted about thirty seconds.

 

“Do you get it, though? Because you’re not acting like it.”

 

“Fine. What’s your point – and can you make it snappy?”

 

“My point is, Steven, that you keep saying I don’t understand or that I have some grand notions about you in my head, but you don’t give me anything else to go on! If you want me to understand why won’t you just talk to me?”

 

He rolled his eyes underneath his sunglasses, exasperated. Being with a real man was exhausting.

 

“No! Seriously, this morning all I wanted was a little reassurance and you brushed me off like it was a joke to you. Obviously since we’re having this conversation you do care, so why would you act like it wasn’t important to you? That’s cheerleader levels of fake.”

 

Jackie hated to demean the good name of cheerleading, but she had to get her point across. Hanging out in silence and smoking weed was fun for a while, but at some point, they had to do something besides make out – talk to each other.

 

“I’m not that guy,” he said. She hated when he said that.

 

“What ‘guy’? Who’s this guy?”

 

He just shrugged, as if his point needed no explanation.

 

“There is no guy,” which was only half true; she knew he constantly compared himself to Michael, even if he shouldn’t have, “I just want you to be you, okay? I like _that_ guy.”

 

“You don’t know that guy.”

 

“Then tell me!” Jackie threw her hands up in the air, resigned to a lifetime of silence, as horrible as that sounded, “You know what? Forget it.”

 

“No wait – look, Jackie...” Steven grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. He gritted his teeth and sighed, as if bracing himself. Then he did something unexpected – he talked about his feelings - “you wouldn’t like that guy, okay? You like this guy, but you wouldn’t like that – am I even making sense?”

 

The breakthrough had been brief, but Jackie latched on for dear life and said, “You’re making decisions without me, is what you’re doing.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well you say I’m fake, right? So by your own logic, maybe you like this girl,” she gestured to her all-over cuteness as he rolled his eyes, “but you won’t like ‘that girl’. How would you even know if we’re not real with each other? That’s the whole point of being in a relationship.”

 

“Really, you were real with Kelso?”

 

“Okay, a mature relationship,” she paused before deciding that she wasn’t being fair. Michael has his moments too, where he could be thoughtful and kind and goof around with her, like playing dress-up in her room or bringing her flowers that he had picked from the Hendersons’ yard, “But honestly, sometimes, yeah, I was.”

 

Steven snorted as if she had just proved his point, “Look where that got you.”

 

“Are you Michael?”

 

Was this really the same mature deep guy that had grabbed her attention? He was acting as obtuse as a cucumber, except his trademark seemed to be creating puffy eyes, not getting rid of them.

 

“Okay fine, I get it.”

 

“Well it only took forever!” Jackie exclaimed. God, boys were so obtuse. If they weren’t so foxy, she thought to herself sometimes, she would be a lesbian – as long as it didn’t involve wearing those horrible bland outfits and no makeup. She made a mental note to never mention it in front of Fez; he would have a field day.

 

“I’m just...not good at that, okay?”

 

_Well, no shit, Sherlock._

 

“Well, I’m not either so you’re just going to have to deal with it,” she said, telling the truth. Sure, she blurted out almost everything that was on her mind, but she had a mental shallowness filter that trapped anything of depth firmly behind the surface.

 

“And,” he cracked a smile, obviously relieved that, in his mind, the difficult part of the conversation was over. Oh, if only he knew. “There’s the bitch I know!” He gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek before adding, “So, how do we do this?”

 

“I’m not really sure.”

 

She hadn’t thought about that part. They definitely weren’t Eric and Donna, with their feelings spilling all over the place like goo.

 

“Great, Jackie, all that and you don’t know?” He chuckled softly to himself as if this was just another immature little cheerleader antic of hers.

 

Jackie thought hard, starting her sentence before she knew how it would end, “what if..” she trailed off, brainstorming to herself – it couldn’t be something horribly uncomfortable every time they spoke, it had to be fun, they had to have their guards down – she had it!

 

“What if we got really high -”

 

“We do that all the time.”

 

“But what if we don’t make out, we just talk.” It was perfect! They already did that in the circle anyways, it would just be more intimate and with, Jackie hoped, a bit less talk about conspiracies.

 

“I already don’t like this plan,” he said, but his bemused smile gave him away.

 

“I’ll buy you a burger?”

 

“It’s sounding better.”

 

He led her out of the basement and soon enough, they were in familiar positions in the back of the El Camino, blowing smoke towards the stars. Jackie felt a warm buzz under the cool night air – it was most likely the pot, but she found it more romantic to attribute the feeling to the night sky. Still, they were lying there in silence, which was the opposite of what they were supposed to be doing. She decided to be the mature one and start.

 

“So,” she said, breaking the silence, “even though I’m obviously the cutest girl in Point Place, and my makeup is impeccable, sometimes I still worry that I put on too much blush, and I get worried because, like, then people will think that I’m actually blushing! Or worse, bad at doing makeup. Like Donna! And then I wonder -”

 

“Jackie,” Steven interrupted her wind-up before she could finish.

 

“What?”

 

“That’s just the same fake bullshit you said we were gonna avoid.”

 

“You didn’t let me finish! I was going to say, and then I wonder why I even care at all what these people think of me? You know? I don’t even like them.”

 

It was true; there were only a handful of people that Jackie actually liked, and she had very dainty hands. She looked at them now, they seemed to glow softly in the moonlight – actually, that might have just been her ring, on closer inspection. She was still staring at her hand, with its shiny light blue polish and perfectly maintained cuticles when Steven started talking.

 

“I guess I can get that. You know, everyone already looks down on me so it doesn’t really matter what they think -”

 

“That’s not true!” She had forgotten about her hand in the air and brought it down onto his chest with a smack.

 

“Whatever,” he coughed, rubbing where she had smacked him (it had been an accident, she was going for a graceful and comforting touch), “My point is, if they didn’t, I might care. Who knows?”

 

“You _so_ do care,” Jackie giggled. Steven Hyde cared about so many things. He was deep, like...well, he was deep. She was too high for metaphors. She wondered if he had Oreos in his car, but thought better of it.

 

“I do not.”

 

“Do too,” she singsonged.

 

“Whatever.”

 

She just had the greatest idea.

 

“You know what we should have?”

 

“Sex?” He asked, but unlike Michael, she knew he was joking. Well, mostly joking. Although when she thought about it, she definitely wouldn’t complain about a make-out session. Wait, she had had an idea. What was it again?

 

Right! It was very important.

 

“No,” she said, pausing for dramatic effect, “code names.” She did a one-handed jazz hand in front of his face to punctuate the brilliance of her idea.

 

“Seriously, Jackie? You go from sex to code names?”

 

“You know what Mr Forman says about assumptions, Steven.” _They make an ass out of you twice._

 

“Still, code names? You sound like Forman.”

 

“That’s the point!” She grinned in the dark.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“We need code names so dorky, so embarrassing, that we’ll know to trust each other.”

 

“I think the cheerleader’s had too much.”

 

“No! Well, maybe,” she reconsidered, thinking about her glowing hand – wait, was it still glowing? She checked to make sure it wasn’t before continuing, “but seriously, code names. So we can drop our cool Zen acts and be us, you know?” Zen was for dealing with other people – and also Laurie, who wasn’t a person, but the devil incarnate – not for when it was just them.

 

“No one else can ever know.”

 

“Pinky swear?”

 

Jackie extended a pinky expectantly.

 

“Oh my god, you’re kind of a dork, you know?” He teased, but he shook her pinky with his own. Who’s the dork now, Steven? _Still Eric._

 

Jackie snorted in a very unladylike manner, “Wait until you hear your nickname.”

 

“Wait, I don’t get to make it up?”

 

“No way, Puddin’ Pop,” she said, rolling over to kiss him before he had a chance to protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you what it means that people are actually reading (and hopefully liking) my writing! I started back at this after not writing anything at all for a loooooooong time and thought it would be a good project to work on just to get back in the habit of writing for fun. I never expected people to like it! So I just want to say thank you, and if you feel like it please let me know what you think because I love hearing it. Until the next chapter...


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